Twilight Madness!

Sure sure. I so looove the Twilight Saga. I am just halfway reading the 3rd installment, Eclipse and I can't wait for what's gonna happen next. I finished New Moon last week, while I was on bed rest. Good thing my parents have internet connection because my ebooks were saved in my office laptop which I wasn't able to bring home since I didn't expect that I will have to stay here long. I again downloaded the saga ebooks, which I got from one of my egroups.

This is my first time to be addicted to a fictional saga. But who wouldn't be? When the heroine of the story is an ordinary girl with a protective, angelic vampire with a velvet voice for a boyfriend and a strong, fun, and caring werewolf for a best friend and a safe harbor... no matter how many bumps and bruises she gets in her life... the story is a sure hands-down hit!

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Blessings... in disguise?

I lost my second attempt at pregnancy. Tuesday, December 23, while my husband was at work and I was at home taking some bed rest, I had a really bad lower backache. I also had a terrible pain like I was having a really bad dysmenorrhea. Then I saw something different after I peed. It was no longer the light brown spotting. It was dark red. So I texted my OB, asking her if I was having a miscarriage or if this was a sign of ectopic pregnancy. I didn't want either. I was really in panic! My OB advised me to take a PT asap to check on my hcg level. And I did the next morning. It came out negative.

Everything happened so fast. Although I was saddened by the fact that the pregnancy did not push thru, and that for some reason the positive became negative after almost 2 weeks, I was glad that I did not have to undergo another operation, D&C and the like.

I celebrated Christmas with my family, and of course my husband. We did have a memorable first Christmas, albeit simple, without the fancy stuff and lavish gifts. I did eat ham.. Yeah, it was a big deal since pregnant women are not supposed to eat anything with sodium nitrite, and since I'm not technically pregnant, I was allowed to.

At the end of the day, I realized my husband was right. There were more blessings than bad things that happened to us this year. Sure, there were battles lost and there were wishes unfulfilled, but I guess it's true when people say there's a reason for everything. And when I look back, I'm sure I'm gonna have an even better perspective of things. :)

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My Christmas Wish

I have made my Christmas list a long time ago. I wanted to have an Ipod Touch and I wanted to give my hubby the newest version of PSP. I want us to have matching Lacoste shirts for New Year. We've done our Christmas gift shopping for our families and friends.

However, I found myself very much disappointed yesterday, when my husband and I went to a clinic for my first prenatal ultrasound. It was scheduled yesterday, in time for my supposed 6th week so that we will be able to see where the spottings were coming from as well as check on the heartbeat of our baby. I felt really sad, disappointed and angry when the doctor said that she couldn't see anything. No gestational sac or anything. She asked me if I had spottings or cramps. I said yes. She is suspecting PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) or an ectopic pregnancy.

I immediately texted my OB about the result. She suggested I get a Serum Beta HCG test, which I did. She said it will rule out ectopic pregnancy. I was mortified. Ectopic pregnancy means the baby developed outside the uterus, and it means it should not develop there, in short, it should be removed. At 4:30PM, we have the HCG result. It was at 7.040 mIU/ml. Positive, based on the 0-5 non-pregnant reference range. I texted my OB and got no reply.

This morning, I was hoping to go to her clinic to finally get the answers. Am I having ectopic pregnancy? Is the baby just hiding or have we just miscalculated the AOG? Is there anything wrong with me? I am still waiting for her reply if she will hold clinic today, given that most doctors are already on a holiday.


Why am I scared? A lot of things. Scared that my first Christmas with my husband will be filled with horrifying memories, not something that I will want to look back on. Scared that I would need to go through another operation. I already had 2 this year, another one would mean total kamalasan. Scared that it would again deplete our just recovering financial funds. Scared that I might give up on trying to have another baby because of these bad things that keep on happening as if I did something bad to deserve these.


If there's anything I wanted this Christmas, it would be to have a healthy baby. To have a safe, healthy pregnancy. I don't see anything wrong with that. I have been deprived of the promotion I so worked hard for. I have lost my first baby. I believe this time I deserve to be happy. I believe I deserve to have a happy, peaceful Christmas. I do not want to celebrate Christmas anxious of what is going on inside my body, or what ordeal I have yet to face again.

I wish Santa could give me that...

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My Last Day At Work for 2008

Who would have thought that I would end the year so early, at least in terms of my work calendar? I was on leave December 8. Monday, to attend the wedding of my husband's best friend, Sheila. The next day, I texted my boss, telling her my husband's sick that I needed the day off again t accompany him to the doctor. Wednesday, December 10, I was working again. Then Thursday, I was on SL because I was not feeling well.

Then Friday came. December 12. It was the birthday of my closest friend at work, David. I missed his birthday blowout the day before, because Thursday was when he treated the managers on our weekly meeting. December 12 was also the north cluster Christmas Party. As far as our company is concerned, the 3 sites located north of Metro Manila get to celebrate their Christmas Party together. It was a broadway themed party, held at Crossroad 77. I didn't like the venue, it was full of stairs. Too much for my high-heeled patent peep-toes. Too much for my legs.

Then that was it. That party was the end of my work calendar for the year. The next day, I found out I was pregnant. Hours after that, I was advised to take bed rest. Bed rest for a week. I missed the HR Christmas Party. Not that I was willing to put my baby's life at risk, it's just that I missed the people who matter to me at work. It was a rare chance for me to see them because I was assigned in a site that's too far.

When I came back to my OB's clinic Saturday, December 20, after a mini-shopping spree for Christmas gifts, I was advised not to risk going to work for the remaining 3 days. "It's not worth it", my OB said. So that was it. I'll be back in January. But I wanted to put my Christmas Party picture with this post, my last picture taken within the bounds of work. Advanced Merry Christmas! :)

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Positive! Think Positive!

My husband, Kristian, and I have been praying to be blessed with another baby this year for a couple of months already. I had a miscarriage early this year, because our honeymoon baby did not develop after six weeks. We lost her on my 9th week, while my husband was in Germany for training.

Two weeks ago, December 6, I attended a private Chritmas Party sponsored by our Site Leader in his Makati apartment. I thought I was already having my early period and another failed attempt at getting pregnant. The day after that, the period stopped. I was only 4 days delayed when I took a PT last Saturday, December 13. And there were 2 lines!!! Kristian and I were so happy! I immediately went to my OB with my mom to have myself checked since Kristian had to go to work. I was given duphaston and isoxilan, to ensure the development and "kapit" of my baby.

However, as we were on our way home, I felt something coming out of me. When I checked, I had brown spottings. Although my research says brown spottings are "old bloods" that have to be discharged by the body, I felt so worried because of my previous miscarriage. I was asked to take a week of bed rest by my OB.

I missed out HR Christmas Party, the very first in my 4 years with the company I work with. But I'm glad that the spotting was slowly disappearing.

I pray that this time, I will be able to give birth to a healthy baby. I've always wanted a family of my own. And I am very excited! My EDD by the way is on August 16, 2009. :)

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