The 5 Stages of Leaving

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Where am I now? I guess I am still on stage 1. It still hasn't dawned on me that much that in two weeks, I will be leaving the place and the people I learned to love these past five years. Although some of the people I became close with have gone ahead, there are still a few good people that I am leaving behind. I may be in denial because at the back of my head, I still want to be with them, to spend days in the office, to experience the stress, to be part of the daily CVG grind.. Ironically, I was absent for a week. Yes, the whole week. A lot of things happened and the week just passed me by so quickly. I'm exhausted. So many things to do and so many thoughts in my head.

I know, nobody asked me to leave. But still, that was the best decision for me given the circumstances at work. And in my personal life. I wonder if I would be moving to the anger phase, because right now, I feel at peace. Confused and scared but at the same time peaceful. I have forgotten the anger that I used to feel months before I made the decision to leave. Maybe it came first. I don't think I would ever want to bargain though. I think this stage is also not for me. Honestly, I'm afraid to be depressed. And I could feel it coming. Well, I hope not clinically depressed.

And while I am slowly going through these stages, slowly accepting the repercussions of my decision, I am reminded of a song that talks about having to move on, just when we thought we were right "at home". See next post... :-)

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Lazy Sunday

It's super rainy. It's been raining since 10AM and there's flood around the house and on the street. Kristian and I couldn't go home to our apartment. We weren't able to go to church either. Instead, we just spent the day on the internet. Take a look at these facebook surveys I've answered. I wonder if these will still be the set of answers I'll have in the next couple of years..

Random Survey for the Bored

What is on your desktop wallpaper?at home: a pre-nup photo taken by dino lara.. ofc laptop: number 1 by a mile wallpaper

What is your favorite zoo animal? giraffe

What was your favorite toy as a child? barbie doll

What food do you eat too much of? chocolates

What kind of hairstyle do you have? long.. but i want to cut it soon

What was your favorite activity in gym class? when we were taught how to do the split in 2nd year hs

What is on the shirt you are wearing right now?one convergys

What is the picture nearest to you of? hubby's

What kind of salad dressing do you like? asian

Whats your least favorite food? eggplant

What do you do on a Sunday night? chillax

If you could only use one condiment on your food for the rest of your life, what would it be?pepper

What color are your sheets? white

How big is your computer display? not so good on measurements

What pair of shoes do you wear most often? my crocs sandals

What is your favorite game? farm town! or locoroco in psp

What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? turkey

What is your favorite pizza topping? cheese and more cheese

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow? 730

What is your favorite day of the year? Christmas

10 Deep Questions About You

What is your biggest fear? losing my loved ones and my cats

What is the best thing that ever happened to you? when i got married

What is your biggest dream? to become rich

What is your biggest regret? nothing so big that i can remember

Who in your life has had the biggest impact on your life? my family

Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? enjoying life and traveling the world with my husband and future kids

Who do you wish you had never met? ha? sino?

What time in your life would you re-live (without changing)? everything

What from the future do you wish you could see now? the winning mega lotto numbers

What are the top 3 things on your "bucket list"? travel. do some charity. build shelter for abandoned cats and dogs.

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Harry Potter Day

Saturday was fine. It was basically my Facebook, Blogger and Twitter day. Although our visit to our potential supplier was kinda unproductive because he had high blood pressure and had to stay in bed, the rest of the day went well.

My husband and I went to Sis Liu's clinic for my weekly acupuncture session. Sis Liu said I looked "very good!". She will be out of the country for a couple of weeks, meaning I can go back to her clinic on the 29th of August.

Afterwards, it was Harry Potter time! Remember I posted yesterday that I got 2 Ayala Mall movie tickets from the EEC event? That means we only had to pay P40 for our movie date. While waiting for the 730PM screening, we had an early dinner in Rasto's?.. not sure of the name.. but I think it's new, and Spanish. Heehee.. I had fun watching Harry Potter because of Ron's antics. He's always been my favorite character in Harry Potter. In this installment, the kids are all grown up and they are beginning to fall in love. Nice. However, I find the movie quite gloomy. Snape is the Half Blood Prince. The bad guy. Someone died, but then a phoenix came flying afterwards. I haven't read any of the books, and I don't plan to read them. But I enjoy watching the movies. It's nice that they all grew up well. So that's how my Harry Potter day went.

Oh and by the way, I saw a former grade school/high school classmate on TV. I think she filed a criminal case against an actor..

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So Many Thoughts in My Head..

It's 4AM and I'm still wide awake.. Congratulations to myself (and my husband), we were able to get through another work week! :-) The day after I gave my resignation letter, my former headhunter called to let me know that I've been shortlisted by one of their clients. I won't mention what company yet but it's still along Ayala. An interview will be scheduled soon. Ok, enough of the past week.

Next topic.

Friday was a happy one. I was invited to attend the EEC (formerly EET, now EEChampions) celebration in TGIF Glorietta. This is to say thank you to those who helped out during the Mist '09 event (rainy day outing!) . Lunch was good, as always. And there were games! Jona, Ella, Carla and I were teammates. Fifi also had a special participation. The game that we joined was fun. We were asked to take photos of the scenarios enumerated in a sheet of paper. And we won! Some of the scenarios given were crazy (photos to be uploaded soon..)! But we sure had fun. It was also during that time when I fell in love with Kiko's Canon EOS 500D. Promise to self: gotta have it! I also realized that this might be the last time that I will be joining an event like this.. with friends from ER, HR and the EEC. Sigh. Missing them already. Moving on...

Well, just played farmtown, had a short chat with some friends and tweeted a few tweets.. I'm so loving these things - Facebook, Blogger and Twitter! Even if there really is nothing important to talk about, I find it easy and fun to just type whatever comes to my mind. A few months from now I will be looking back at these posts and tweets with a smile on my face..

I think that's it for me na muna.. I have to force myself to sleep because Saturday is Harry Potter day! I know right? Late na. But better late than never. And it doesn't get any better than having 2 movie passes free! Got them from the EEC event earlier, oh, yesterday! Thanks Guys! :-)

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21 Guns

Some of my favorite quotes from Bo Sanchez these days are about quitting.

Never give up on the dreams that God has placed in your heart

But you can experiment in various ways in fulfilling them—until you find the right one.

Most of the time, the best way to solve your problems is not by solving your problems. The best way to solve your problems is by making them irrelevant. And the way to do that is to quit.

I am also enjoying the song 21 Guns by Greenday, from the soundtrack of Transformers 2. Though the movie does not have any "quitting moment", somehow this song also gives the same message.. To give up the fight when it's not worth it anymore.

21 Guns
Greenday

Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take you breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weight out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Does someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and i

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and i

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and i

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New Moon in November

Sana November na... I miss my vampire clan... I wanna read the books all over again..

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Today...

***I made spanish sardines omelet for breakfast.
***I prepared chicken afritada for our lunch baon.
***I'm glad because our kitty Tweety regained her strength and is already eating, running and jumping a lot.
***I mustered the courage to go to work despite feeling too sleepy.
***I am soo happy to see the sun and I am hoping that there will be no rain today.
***I opened my facebook account in the office because Orlando is down.. woohoo!!!
***I didn't go to my scheduled check-up at Intellicare Benlife, because I am feeling sooo tamad to leave the office... ayayay!
***I joined Bea, Fifi, Carla and Joanne for lunch.. the first time I had lunch with all of them since I moved to G5 in May.
***I am sad because Kristian has a meeting till 10pm and we might not be going home together.
***I am thinking of doing the laundry early morning tomorrow.
***I am looking forward to finally watching Harry Potter on Saturday.
***My back really hurts.. I wish I could have a nice massage soon..
***I am listening to Coldplay, my pick me upper and sanity saver..
***My right hand feels weird, as if I am having carpal tunnel syndrome, ouch!
***I am craving for brazo de mercedes from Goldilocks.
***I wish I were at home sleeping.
***I feel useless in the office with nothing to do but non work related stuff.. because I am done with all the HRSCs for the day.
***I'm beginning to feel how exit mode feels like..

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So This Is How It Feels

After over 5 long years, I am saying goodbye to Convergys. A couple of hours ago, I have tendered my resignation as Senior HR Officer. It wasn't as hard as I expected. My boss understood. There are times when quitting and moving on is the best option to take - this is one of them. My conversation with my boss was a good one. Maybe because through the years that we've worked together, we were able to establish friendship.

It was quite a journey. It wasn't always smooth sailing - there were bumps and bruises along the way, but I owe the company and a few good people from there a lot. Looking back, I never wanted to become what I am now, never imagined I would last this long in a company so big in every sense of the word. I was a shy applicant from a very small company about to close down, trying my shot at the world's biggest contact center as an Admin Assistant for the HR Director. And then I got the job - which opened doors of opportunities for professional and personal development. After a year, I officially joined the HR Team as HR Specialist and it was then that my star began to shine. The next year I was promoted to HR Officer, and began handling a team. A year after that I was again promoted to Senior HR Officer - this time I began handling a site. And my very first assignment was the Corporate Office! I really thank my boss for believing in me. I also thank my former team for supporting me.

The past 14 months have been a roller coaster ride for me. There were opportunities that were presented, and I was almost a manager. But then, things got crazy. Maybe it wasn't really for me. So I decided to stop pushing for something that wasn't anymore worth it. I decided I had to say goodbye - I'd rather leave while I'm in love.

In the meantime, I plan to focus on the upcoming Leukocyte Immunotherapy (LIT) sessions that I'm about to undergo in August. I will also help build the business that my husband and I have been working on these past few weeks. Hmmm..

So this is how it feels - I can't explain. It's so hard to fathom at this point. In less than a month I will be saying goodbye to the company and to the people I've been with for the past 5 years. I will no longer be taking EDSA everyday. No more crazy schedule, HRSCs, consultations from agents and team leads, no more pantry food, EOP, lotus notes, etc - no more office stress! I'm missing it already.

I still have a few days to spend at my dear Convergys. I want to make them happy. I want to look back someday to just the fond memories, the happy and crazy moments. Beginning today, I am slowly moving on. But I do hope that the friendships I've made will not vanish when I leave. I do love Convergys. And a few good people. And the clock starts ticking...

Here's one of my favorite photos with my CVG HR Team - taken in December 2008 at the Hospicio de San Jose.

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Another Week of Contemplation

It's Monday once again. Another start of another week. My weekend was a fun-filled weekend indeed. My husband and I had Mexican dinner, and we got to watch Transformers 2, whcih, I must say, was a real hit! I was also able to spend the rest of the weekend with my family and pets, and working on my farm in farmtown - reached level 25 already and bought the largest land. Saturday was also a good day as my acupuncturist, Sis Liu told me that "now is a good time" to get pregnant again, based on the signs she saw when she examined me.

But then the weekend was over. I am now facing another week ahead.

While my laptop was booting earlier, I was thinking of various things. I thank and applaud myself for mustering the courage to go to work. It's now becoming dragging, I feel like I am faced with the dead end. But then, I must admit that there are times when I really want to hold on. There are some people who still make my stay in the office easy and fun. There are opportunities I still want to grab. There are still privileges I still want to enjoy. And of course, we need money, now, more than ever - for the steep amortization of our condo unit, for the monthly rent, for the utilities, for our other bills and of course, for my treatment, and for our project baby preparations. These are the very reasons why I have been hanging on a thread for quite sometime already. I know that I want to do other things. I know that I want a break from the routine. But I still can't afford it. Sad but true.

Here are some of the things I am thinking about right now, with the pros and cons, and the skills and resources required for each.

1. Baking - I am really fascinated with cupcakes and I want to make my own cupcakes soon! I am planning to take short courses for this. I am planning to attend Heny Sison's class for this, but I am still open to other classes that are better than Heny Sison's.

2. Sewing - I have a small sewing machine given by my husband as a Christmas gift almost 5 years ago. I can operate it but can only do straight stitches! I have always wanted to create my own dresses and would love to do my future kids' clothes as well. I just don't know where to enroll for basic courses on sewing or dressmaking. Maybe I'd google it one of these days.

3. Make-up - This one is also a long-time passion. When I was still working as an Usherette at the Cultural Center of the Philippines, most of my salary went to make-up purchases. I have a large make-up bag and I would always volunteer to do the make-up of my fellow usherettes. But then when I left CCP to focus on my junior and senior years in college, this passion died. However, from time to time, I would feel the urge to revive it and do it again. There are classes that I want to attend - one of which is the Basic Make-up of CAS - but this is expensive. Another would be the make-up workshop offered by Suesh, which is a lot cheaper.

4. Blogging - I am doing this already and the blog that my husband and I are maintaining is already at PR1. I love writing and collecting valuable thoughts and information, hence, the blog.

They say you should think if the things you enjoy the most - in all the stages of your life - as this would lead to where you ought to be - career wise - and when you find it, you will be successful.

I remember, when I was in grade school, I was a loner. I didn't have much friends. I didn't socialize a lot. When I get home, I would always draw - clothes, bags and houses. My dad and aunt would bring home reams of bond papers for me to draw on. I loved designing houses, bedrooms, kitchen, etc. I also loved drawing dresses, giwns and bags.

Back in high school, most of the time I was in the music room, with my fellow glee club members. We are either practicing or just hanging around.

In college, and during grad school, I enjoyed going to the library and even if it's not related to what I was researching about, I would always bring home a book to photocopy, usually self-help or psychology books - as my personal reference - in case I would need them. But honestly, I never got to read any of them and just ended up throwing them away.

See. I was never meant to be locked in the office. I am for the arts, for research - at least those are clues. I am the introvert type. Last year, the HR Management team of my company took the MBTI. My MBTI profile was ISTJ. ISTJs are people who do things that have to be done. Maybe that's why I am stuck where I am now - because I need to be here for the reasons I mentioned earlier. But I know that I need to be creative too. I know that somehow, I would need to nurture my creative side too. Maybe I'd be happier, more fulfilled, and maybe I'd become rich!

So as I end this post, I continue to contemplate.. hopefully be the end of this dragging week, I would have clarity.

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Tagubilin At Habilin

I first heard this one while watching "Tambalang Failon at Sanchez", DZMM Teleradyo. Read on, this is a very good and practical guide for us, Filipinos.

TAGUBILIN AT HABILIN
Text by Jose F. Lacaba

Interpreted by Armida Siguion-Reyna

Mabuhay ka, kaibigan!
Iyan ang una’t huli kong tagubilin at habilin: Mabuhay ka!
Sa edad kong ito, marami akong maibibigay na payo.
Mayaman ako sa payo.
Maghugas ka ng kamay bago kumain.
Maghugas ka ng kamay pagkatapos kumain.
Pero huwag kang maghuhugas ng kamay para lang makaiwas sa sisi.
Huwag kang maghuhugas ng kamay kung may inaapi na kaya mong tulungan.
Paupuin sa bus ang matatanda at ang mga may kalong na sanggol.
Magpasalamat sa nagmamagandang-loob.
Matuto sa karanasan ng matatandaPero huwag magpatali sa kaisipang makaluma.
Huwag piliting matulog kung ayaw kang dalawin ng antok.
Huwag pag-aksayahan ng panahon ang walang utang na loob.
Huwag makipagtalo sa bobo at baka ka mapagkamalang bobo.
Huwag bubulong-bulong sa mga panahong kailangang sumigaw.
Huwag kang manalig sa bulung-bulungan.
Huwag kang papatay-patay sa ilalim ng pabitin.
Huwag kang tutulog-tulog sa pansitan.
Umawit ka kung nag-iisa sa banyo.
Umawit ka sa piling ng barkada.
Umawit ka kung nalulungkot.
Umawit ka kung masaya.
Ingat lang.
Huwag kang aawit ng “My Way” sa videoke bar at baka ka mabaril.
Huwag kang magsindi ng sigarilyo sa gasolinahan.
Dahan-dahan sa matatarik na landas.
Dahan-dahan sa malulubak na daan.
Higit sa lahat, inuulit ko: Mabuhay ka!
Maraming bagay sa mundo na nakakadismaya.Mabuhay ka.
Maraming problema ang mundo na wala na yatang lunas.Mabuhay ka.
Sa hirap ng panahon, sa harap ng kabiguan,
Kung minsan ay gusto mo nang mamatay.
Gusto mong maglaslas ng pulso kung sawi sa pag-ibig.
Gusto mong uminom ng lason kung wala nang makain.
Gusto mong magbigti kung napakabigat ng mga pasanin.
Gusto mong pasabugin ang bungo mo kung maraming gumugulo sa utak.
Huwag kang patatalo.
Huwag kang susuko.
Narinig mo ang sinasabi ng awitin:“Gising at magbangon sa pagkagupiling, Sa pagkakatulog na lubhang mahimbing.”
Gumising ka kung hinaharana ka ng pag-ibig.
Bumangon ka kung nananawagan ang kapuspalad.
Ang sabi ng iba: “Ang matapang ay walang-takot lumaban.”
Ang sabi ko naman: Ang tunay na matapang ay lumalaban kahit natatakot.
Lumaban ka kung inginungodngod ang nguso mo sa putik.
Bumalikwas ka kung tinatapak-tapakan ka.
Buong-tapang mong ipaglaban ang iyong mga prinsipyo
Kahit hindi ka sigurado na agad-agad kang mananalo.
Mabuhay ka, kaibigan. Mabuhay ka.

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